Just Can't Win

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Just Last Fucking Week:

Conspiracy Crowd: OBAMA! PROVE TO US THAT YOU ARE AMERICAN: RELEASE YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE. WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?

Barack Obama: Nothing. Here's the basic form everyone's allowed to get. Take a look.

CC: BAH! WE WANT THE LONG FORM!

BO: That's not something that's usually requested. Besides, how do you think I would have gotten past the primary (let alone be elected to the Senate) if I was...

CC: LONG FORM! LONG FORM! LONG FORM!

BO: (*sigh*) OK; hold on...here.

CC: ITS A FAKE. WE DON'T BELIEVE YOU. WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO HIDE

BO: Seriously? Excuse me, guys; I've got work to do...

This Fucking Week:

Barack Obama: With the help of the CIA and America's best soldiers, I can tell you that we have killed Osama bin Laden.

Conspiracy Crowd: WE DON'T BELIEVE YOU. BUSH DID ALL THE HARD WORK. SHOW US THE PICTURES AS PROOF. YOUR STORY KEEPS CHANGING!

BO: Everyone hasn't been debriefed yet, so some conflicting stories are bound to come up. Besides, how often is a military mission transcribed for the entire population? Speaking of military missions, don't you think releasing these photos might...

CC: DEATH PICS! DEATH PICS! DEATH PICS!

BO: Now really, what good would that do? Besides, you didn't believe me the last time I released something, you just said it was fake in order to keep your kooky theories alive and make a quick...

CC: DEATH PICS! DEATH PICS! DEATH PICS! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO HIDE?

BO: (*sigh*)

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