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From John Stewart, National Treasure: The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c For Fox Sake! www.thedailyshow.com Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

...and you need a laugh .

Money Quote: " I didn't force her, but used my experience to convince her of my love, and then we agreed to marry ."

Well, paint me green and call me Gumby ! I'm not jealous; not at all ... Race totally isn't a problem in America anymore . Maybe a little "House cleaning" is in order . He's been detained .

It's hard out there for a Birther... Along with bouncing the lawsuit, U.S. District Court Judge David Carter eviscerated the controversial lawyer representing the "birthers" who sued Obama. In a 30-page order filed today, Carter stated that he was "deeply concerned" that attorney Orly Taitz "may have suborned perjury through witnesses she intended to bring before this court." Carter, who was appointed to the federal bench in 1998 by President Bill Clinton, noted that he had received "several sworn affidavits" showing that Taitz "asked potential witnesses" to lie under oath . The judge also contended that Taitz engaged in "improper and unethical" conduct by encouraging her supporters to phone and write him in an "attempt to influence this Court's decision."

Upon hearing that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was announcing the House version of the health care bill, the Tea Party Patriots (who adopted the unfortunate Teabaggers moniker) came out in force... ... with ten people . And here's the money quote: "If this is organized, we suck." Booyah! Take that , Pelosi!

Via Mike Prada of Bullets Forever : The one thing that struck me about Tuesday's performance was how much we actually resembled a professional team. I'm sure that's going to ruffle some feathers, particularly those who are fans of Eddie Jordan . I don't come here to suggest that Jordan is not a good coach. Far from it. But what always struck me about watching an Eddie Jordan-coached team was how the players would alternate between overly robotic and overly free-flowing play. Either they used none of their brains, which happened when they'd take quick contested jumpers and miss a defensive rotation, or they thought too much, mostly when they ran the same three-man weave into the same cut, with the same players settling for the same shots too often. I didn't see enough moments where they achieved that happy medium of playing instinctively while also playing smart. To be frank, they were too inconsistent. While some of that is our personnel, a lot of that ...

They only scored 10 points in the third quarter . Heck, Kevin Garnett scored 10 points total .

Because it will sell cheap .

I didn't know Wayne Newton was still performing . I may not agree with the military decision, but at least the President is taking some responsibility . Everything's bigger in Texas; even the apathy . BTW: Everything's a test for Obama . Tell me something I don't know . Proof that people's political memories aren't that short. Time doesn't wash away everything . On China's health care system .

Or more specifically, the ability to have a large electorate: Go here if you want to send a message to Congress.

Hmmm... WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. – A former cashier for The Home Depot who has been wearing a " One nation under God" button on his work apron for more than a year has been fired, he says because of the religious reference. The company claims that expressing such personal beliefs is simply not allowed. "I've worn it for well over a year and I support my country and God," Trevor Keezor said Tuesday. "I was just doing what I think every American should do, just love my country." The American flag button Keezer wore in the Florida store since March 2008 says "One nation under God, indivisible." Earlier this month, he began bringing a Bible to read during his lunch break at the store in the rural town of Okeechobee , about 140 miles north of Miami . That's when he says The Home Depot management told him he would have to remove the button. Keezer refused, and he was fired on O...

Can't imagine why .

err, maybe not .

Making the necessary adjustments . Not surprising , really. Neither is this . One down , 81 to go. Clinton probably never thought she'd be so busy . Some people would call this a conflict of interest. Not something you'd want to hear from your parent .

43's nephew gets deployed to a war his uncle started.

... there's stories like this : CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. - The parents of a Virginia Tech student who disappeared outside a Metallica concert said Tuesday they fear she is the victim of foul play. Morgan Dana Harrington's parents said on NBC's "Today" show they are devoting all of their energy to finding their daughter, who was last seen Oct. 17 outside a University of Virginia arena. "This is probably a parent's worst nightmare," Dan Harrington said. "Clearly no one ever expects to be in this situation and we have to hold out hope that we're going to see our daughter again." Harrington, 20, of Roanoke, was attending the concert 10 days ago when she left the arena and was not permitted to return. Her purse and cell phone were found. There was no sign of any type of struggle in the area, state police investigators have said. Fortunately, everyone from the local police to Metallica is doing what they can to help.

One may ask: "What was going on with the families that compelled these kids to leave , and why couldn't seek help elsewhere? Well, one response the article gives is: “Several times a month we’re seeing kids being left by parents who say they can’t afford them anymore,” said Mary Ferrell, director of the Maslow Project, a resource center for homeless children and families in Medford. With fewer jobs available, teenagers are less able to help their families financially. Relatives and family friends are less likely to take them in. Then there's the standard fair: abusive parents, drug/alcohol-addicted parents, and simply extremely rebellious teens. Regardless of the causes, it's awfully sad to see that it's 2009 and we not only still have a homeless population, but a young homeless population. UPDATE : The second part of this storyline isn't any sunnier .

Go to Q#4 , and tell me whether or not that "poll question" is a loaded one. ( H/T ).

The Beltway Sniper is scheduled to die by lethal injection next month.

Congressional GOP leaders were afraid of creating alternative health care legislation because they thought they'd be seen as "Democrat-lite." Whoa; back in the day (like since 1988) it was the Democrats who were being Republican-lite in order to gets bills passed and keep their seats (more often than not, that tactic failed because voters realized that they'd rather have a real Republican then a Democrat pretending to be one).

I love the guys over at BF, and I think their predictions are reasoned, sound and logical. In other words, they're not predictions as much as "well thought-out, educated estimates." Predictions need to be a tad more grand and bold in scope, so I'm going to flip it and put out some predictions for each player currently on the roster : Gilbert Arenas : Will be fifth place in votes as NBA MVP. Andray Blatche : Will have an awesome December, but will not see much time afterwords. Caron Butler : Will make a bigger name for himself in the All-Star game. Javaris Crittenton : Will think out loud (read: complain to media) about playing time a bit, but have at least six spectacular outings. Paul Davis : Will not be heard of much when Jamison comes back to form. Randy Foye : Will be playing alongside Arenas more than originally planned. Brendan Haywood : Will become the 3rd best center in the Eastern Conference. Mike James : Will not be a Wizard when this season ends. Antawn ...

US Congressional Flag Football game is today.

Tom Cruise to the rescue ? Always look at the mother . Oh, God; please don't let this happen . Slow and steady ... I knew Harvard was competitive, but ... This soldier has every right to resign if he wants to; but my question is, "How politicized will this get?" Of course; I've only had the DSi for a few months so this makes perfect sense .

David Spade would never have agreed to do the damn commercial if he thought it was in bad taste.

Meet Larry Whitten. He's Texan-by-way-of-VA former Marine who just wanted to run the hotels he owns in what he thought was the most proficient manner possible: by making all of his Latino employees change their names to sound more Anglican . Did I mention that these employees were working in New Mexico? This "policy change" went over about as well as can be expected: His rules and his firing of several Hispanic employees angered his employees and many in this liberal enclave of 5,000 residents at the base of the Sangre de Cristo mountains , where the most alternative of lifestyles can find a home and where Spanish language, culture and traditions have a long and revered history. In his defense, some employees were less-than-professional with him Some employees were fired, Whitten says, because they were hostile and insubordinate. He says they called him "a white (N-word)." But this story highlights how trying to impose your culture on another group can backfire,...

Especially if you're a celebrity .

Whether we stay or go ... Need a house ? How Bill Cosby became Bill Cosby . Sad news for the Mermaid Girl.

Well, that's reassuring . I like irony . Another round of: " It Depends On Who's President ." Somebody Saaaaaave meeeee ... American Ingenuity meets Alcoholic Dependency . Tonight, a Very Special Episode of ... Take the Test . Times really are hard .

Hmmm ...

Heh .

You learn. If you look at the guys who have coached in that league -- Phil (Jackson), George (Karl), myself, even Eric (Musselman), when he coached, Terry Stotts -- you learn how to adapt. 'Cause you either adapt, or you die. -- Wizard's coach Flip Saunders .

News : The Federal Communication Commission's five commissioners all agreed they favor an "open" Internet in supporting a net neutrality rule-making process Thursday, but hints emerged immediately that they will soon be agreeing to disagree on how and to what degree the Internet should be free and open or regulated. While the five commissioners all voted in favor of the rule-making process with the three Democrats led by Chairman Julius Genachowski taking a more open approach to the Internet, the two Republican commissioners also supported the rule process, but questioned some "facts". The rule-making process opens up a vehicle for comments on net neutrality that will close on January 14. Reply comments will be accepted until March 14. Spin ( via Media Matters ): Drudge compares FCC chairman to Julius Caesar, says he "wants to 'regulate' internet"

Oy . This global recession will turn into a "full-blown depression," Nicu Harajchi, CEO of N1 Asset Management, said Friday, adding that global stimulus hasn't come down to Main Street. Wall Street is making money, while consumers aren't, Harajchi told CNBC. "We have seen the G20 coming out with cross border capital injections of $5 trillion this year… But a lot of this money hasn't really come down to Main Street," he said. "When it comes down to corporate America, corporate Europe or even in Asia, in Japan, we are not seeing Main Street making any money," he said. "Consumers are losing their jobs. They are struggling with their mortgages, with their credit. And we are just seeing this continuing." The $5 trillion injection is "monetary expansion," according to Harajchi. "At some point, which we believe to be 2010/11, some of the central banks are going to recall some of that money and that will turn from monetary expa...

Seriously .

Via D.C. Sports Bog : "Let me start by making a few things very perfectly clear: Jim Zorn is the head coach of the Washington Redskins, and will be for the rest of this season, and hopefully into the future." This, I believe. But that other crap about working to give the fans some entertainment is bull. Cerrato just wants to make sure there isn't an empty stadium for MNF. Or maybe he's just trying to dispel those nasty rumors .

I'm not biting . When your music includes guns, what do you expect ? Score one for the Justice Department . The Yankees like to keep it dramatic, don't they ? Because it's all about you , Bono. You don't say . Seriously, do the newspapers even read their own poll information?

When two Republicans want to hurt a Democrat, what do they do? They compare him to another Republican. It’s crazy. -- Bill Press, referring to the latest attack on President Obama: he's like Nixon ( um, nope ).

By attacking FoxNews (saying it wasn't a real news organization ) the White House may have made a very potent power move. No, not in "distracting from issue X," as some have said. But sending FoxNews into a frenzy by making them try to legitimize themselves . The past few days have basically been a "Why is Obama picking on us?" whine-o-rama. Instead of taking the high road and ignoring those comments, they've embraced them . Now one would think if they were a true independent-minded news organization and not the media component to the GOP machine, they would be able to take this in stride, but they can't . They've made themselves the news story , and that's not good. And just like the liar who gets called out in public for lying, Fox is now trying to play the " I'm rubber and you're glue " game.

Remember when ESPN did sports ? Bad news for some UMUC students. Caught between a Beck and a Limbaugh . Shorter Dick Cheney : Why hasn't the White House bombed anyone yet? Oink, oink . How many cases will it take to understand that " it's always the normal ones ?"

Courtesy of Bullets Forever's bwoodsxyz .

( Via C&L ): the military is at odds with President Obama, in a "you're black and we don't like that" way. Or as Seymour Hersh puts it : “They think he’s weak and the wrong color. Yes, there’s racism in the Pentagon. We may not like to think that, but it’s true and we all know it.”

Liberals want Senate Leader Harry Reid to do his job . Why it's best to either break up over the phone, or in a very public place. Hey; a win is a win . I can't go to the courthouse right now; I have to go rob somebody . R.I.P.; Joseph Wisema n. Jay Cutler has a good agent . More than meets the eye with Steve McNair's murder.

This WashPost article claims in the headline that "Most Americans still divided on overall packages," which would imply a 50/50 or near 50/50 split on the various ideas put out since mid-summer. Yet when looking at the poll questions , we find that: 57% of Americans want the government to create a health care plan that competes with private health insurance plans; 45% of Americans support the changes Congress and President Obama are proposing; 56% of Americans support a law requiring Americans to have health insurance; When asked if the "plan" involves too much government involvement, the response was 42% yes, 34% just enough and 21% not enough. Also, 43% polled think reform would hurt Medicare (wonder where they got that idea?) and 68% think that reform would increase the deficit. Regardless where you stand on the issue, these numbers hardly imply a divided nation on health reform. They think it's necessary and like the ideas (so far) but are worried about it...

From a very credible news source : PORTLAND, OR—Speaking with members of the Portland media Tuesday, veteran forward Juwan Howard announced between spoonfuls of complimentary tomato soup that he was excited to be a part of the Trail Blazers' organization, and was "proud and grateful" to wear the team's free uniform. "It's exciting to be a part of this team, but the fact that [team owner] Paul [Allen] promised me free rye bread here today was really the determining factor," said the 6-foot-9 power forward, who arrived to the press conference shirtless. "I look forward to contributing in any way I can. Hey, I'll be getting an away jersey, too, right? Gets so cold at night." Howard was the fifth player selected in the 1994 draft, and ever since has been wearing the Washington Bullets hat the team gave him that night.

For all you know, Shakira may be in your class right now . Angels keep hope alive . Why I support breastfeeding . You don't say . Wonder if they'll make a James Bond movie out of this . Director/child molester Roman Polanski to stay in Swiss jail.

This past weekend there has been an attack on an armored car , a failed shoplifting (WashPost has a slightly different take ) and an attempted robbery by knife-point . I thought I was watching The Dark Knight marathon instead of the news.

Hey, John Kerry! Howya been ? Like Zorn had a choice . This sort of thing makes you look guilty . Capitalism: a terrorist story . The Beltway is hardcore gangsta . "Oh, when the Saints come marching in ..."

Tara Reid refuses to let Lindsey Lohan be the Crashing Star of Hollywood . "Gritty" doesn't necessarily mean "realistic" or "good." The good news is I could actually segue into one of these growing professions . Simply amazing (if you're a LOST fan). Words fail me . They really do. I agree with about 90% of this ; you can tell Whedon put a lot of himself into his Buffy character because she was never wrong, either. Only the Internet, People; only the Internet:

Yes, this young woman is not black and your school is traditionally black. But she is your student and she won homecoming queen , and she deserves the respect and accolades that come with it. And I don't want to hear this "she doesn't live on campus" nonsense. Commuters are students too. It's 2009. HU needs to use this event as example of how best to handle race-based relations, not make the poor girl a pariah.

I agree 100% with this .

... from where you're coming from . We are through the Looking Glass, People. UPDATE : We're not in Kansas anymore, Uncle Toto .

"We've refocused the program on identifying and removing serious criminal offenders, whether in jail or on the street." "It is really astonishing and disappointing to see this come up in 2009 . The Supreme Court ruled as far back as 1963 that the government cannot tell people who they can and cannot marry." "Now, just in case any of you were wondering, I never thought any of this was going to be easy. You know, I listen to sometimes these reporters on the news (who say) 'Well, why haven't you solved world hunger yet?'" " Lili Smith was a beautiful girl. She was taken from her family and friends far too soon. As Hillary and I got to know her, we were increasingly amazed at her endless capacity for kindness and generosity." “The national narrative in support of jihad has confused the Pakistani mind. All along we’ve been saying these people are trying to fight a war of Islam, but there is a need for transforming the national narrat...

'Nuff said. The Colbert Report Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c The RZA www.colbertnation.com Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Michael Moore

" So no one told you life was gonna be this way ..." The Wizards (temporarily) loose the one person they couldn't afford to loose . Money's no object . Buy stock in calculators . Nice to know that the modern-day GOP isn't make up of paranoid kooks living in a G.I. Joe cartoon universe . Anti-graffiti-graffiti .

...I compare this guy... ...to this particular character... ...here's why ... Sweet Baby Jesus .

Found this on Sadly No! Sooner or later some "conservative" is just going to shout the N-word on TV, the media will spend two, maybe three days "analyzing" it (with people like Limbaugh blaming Obama), things will get a tad heated before quieting down...and then, it will be "acceptable" to say it because now it's been "discussed."

Guess who wins? The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c CNN Leaves It There www.thedailyshow.com Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Ron Paul Interview

Disney + Apple = ? Bringing the US and Russia together. The Health Care Reform battle rages . You would think the accidents due to cell phone use would also be a motivator .

Bryan Singer wants back in with the X-Men movies .

FOXSports and ESPN do their respective Washington Wizards previews: <a href="http://video.msn.com/?mkt=en-us&brand=foxsports&from=metadatawidget_en-us_foxpsorts_videocentral&vid=8d8b406d-3cd3-4970-8b67-277fc01908ce" target="_new" title="NBA Tip-Off: Washington Wizards">Video: NBA Tip-Off: Washington Wizards</a>

Personal note: not having your own computer sucks. Not just for this blogging thing, but for the fact that I must rely on others for news and information when I don't have access. During those times, I can't go to sites I trust and I can't explore the Internet. And even though this is until I buy another laptop, I have a better understanding of other bloggers who talk about life without access. Sorry for the loss guys ; maybe next season come back as the humble Red Sox baseball used to love? I'm actually surprised it took the insurance companies this long . Then again, they probably didn't think Congress would get this far. UPDATE: Josh smells something fishy . Another sad story of "Live by the gun..." Well they do look alike . Gotta give Schwarzenegger this: the guy hasn't given up on his state . And at the same time , people where I work are being watched like a hawk.

Because the Bible is waaay to liberal . This trailer looks awesome, and the song is ridiculously catchy . Yet another (legal) way for the Average Joe to be a millionaire. When you don't have a car seat ... Moore vs. Hannity . There's a saying that goes, " Everything ends badly ." Because we all want to know: " where are they now ?" Animals are pretty darn smart . Meet Rep. Paul Ryan .

I knew where Politico stood when I found out who their president is . I didn't really have to wait for the biased stories to pop up.

So are college students going to have to take an elective in hand-to-hand combat now ? You would think being a doctor is more financially beneficial than selling clothes. You would think . Who know that Liz Taylor tweets ? Then again, it can work against you . Making the grade . One of these days, Alice ... Not every place in Saudi Arabia is a fundamentalist playground. Congress does something .

Well, I'm shocked . I wonder how the people who cheered when America lost the Olympic bid (calling it a lost for Obama-seriously?) will spin this one. Winning quote : Myth: The prize is awarded to recognize efforts for peace, human rights and democracy only after they have proven successful. More often, the prize is awarded to encourage those who receive it to see the effort through, sometimes at critical moments.

Here you go .

The founder of D.C.'s Ben's Chili Bowl passed away last night.

Back in Nixon's day, it referred to a group that, well, didn't really exist. Now, with the health care debate going into it's next phase, the term may represent those who are either passionate yet preoccupied or who are available yet apathetic. ... Or neither; at this point it's hard to say : While opponents of the health care revamp have largely controlled the image war with rowdy town halls and a huge march on Washington last month, Obama supporters have been mobilizing across the country as well, tapping into the unprecedented network his presidential campaign built last year. "We're building a long-term organization with leaders in the community who are trained. It was successful in the election and it will be successful again," says Jeremy Bird, deputy director of Organizing for America. OFA, the pro-Obama effort annexed to the Democratic National Committee , says it has enlisted more than 2 million people in active...

Obviously , the people at NASA do not watch sci-fi horror or sci-fi thrillers . WASHINGTON — NASA will throw a one-two punch at the big old moon Friday and the whole world will have ringside seats for the lunar dust-up. NASA will send a used-up spacecraft slamming into the moon's south pole to kick up a massive plume of lunar dirt and then scour it to see if there's any water or ice spraying up. The idea is to confirm the theory that water — a key resource if people are going to go back to the moon — is hidden below the barren moonscape. The crashing spaceship was launched in June along with an orbiter that's now mapping the lunar surface. LCROSS — short for Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite and pronounced L-Cross — is on a collision course with the moon, attached to an empty 2.2-ton rocket that helped get the probe off the ground. Thursday evening, about 10 hours before smashing into the moon, LCROSS and its empty rocket will separate. Gee; wonder what could ...

Pepsi makes a profit . Sony's lighter laptop . If you're a pirate, I don't you should attack a military ship . Cigarettes use colors to replace words . ROOTS, Michelle Obama-style . Why bragging about your sexual exploits on TV is not a good thing . Live by the gun ... Financially-speaking , goods news for the current health care bill.

The Princeton Offense is a distant cousin of the Triangle Offense in that it's a read, rather than an execution, scheme. Instead of following prescribed routes, the players react to where the ball is and what the defense is doing. One difference between these two plans of attack is the former features more back cuts and back screens, and the big man is often used as a ball reverser from the top of the key. It's highly doubtful either Samuel Dalembert or Elton Brand will be asked to carry the ball across the time line. But who knows for sure? The major problem I have with the Princeton Offense is it's difficult to take advantage of specific mismatches and also to get the ball to certain guys in their favorite spaces. There's simply too much continuity to adjust the vital importance of matchup situations to the limitations of the shot clock. Of course, Jordan's game plan calls for specialty plays, but, by and large, these represent departures from the norm. Also, when...

Yes; there's still a reason to protest the war (s). And I thought the California Governor's Race (the one Arnold won) was kooky . Laughing all the way to positive public opinion. Step One of "putting it all together." Define " steady ." God Bless Al Franken .

Methd Man of Wu-Tang Clan was arrested for not paying his taxes . dolla-dolla bill, ya'll!!

I guess his brief stint with MNF wasn't enough .

Snowball effect . “ I can’t sleep at night, after what I saw .” " The Bride will fight again ." " I don't think any reasonable person would want to get that close to a potentially dangerous carnivore ." “This is the highest scientific honor. It’s great to receive that kind of recognition .’’ “We’re thinking through all additional potential strategies for accelerating job creation .”

But you had a good run , Ebony/Jet.

Every now and then, Disney does something that make people think they are as nice as the characters in their movies. Potential coaching change . The economy hasn't been bad for everyone . And he's barely gotten through his first year . A win's a win . Not the security guard I would want .

Some movies should have never been made . Some reasons French women stay thin. Great Moments in Zombie History . Chic , indeed. What a difference a movie makes . The video the insurance companies don't want you to see:

Michael Moore's site has been revamped and looks pretty good . I hope most of the changes aren't just for the new movie .

From the guys who tried to minimize the Obama Inauguration and maximize the 9/12 protest turnout: H/t: Media Matters .

So why are people messing with me ? LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) – Ending a complete lack of suspense, director Michael Bay said Thursday that he will shoot a third " Transformers " film, whose release date has been brought forward by exactly one year to July 1, 2011. [snip] "Well, it's official: We have a great 'Transformers 3' story," Bay said on his Web site. "Today is Day One." I was hoping this was an Onion story, but nooooooooo; it's apparently true. I hope not. Or at least, I hope that "great Transformers 3 story" means, "We know we totally dicked with Transformers fans on ROTF, and this will definitely make up for it. Promise."

Smart move ; now do more. Well, it sucks to be born prior to 2008 , doesn't it? Fighting back . I may have to become a hockey fan . We've gone from "Only Nixon could go to China" to this . " Imma let you finish ..." Focus . Jobs; we need them .