Things I'm Asking Barack Obama For
Why do the pundits get to make all these requests and demands. They barely even wanted Obama to run. The people put him in, like they did with The Rock or those quasi-talented American Idol kids.
So here are things I want Obama to do for me:
- Demand that Hip-Hop create a defining album for this decade with a minimum amount explicative lyrics. Why the hell do we have to go all the way back to the early 90's for songs that are both awesome to listen to and makes you think? It's an either/or world now with rap, and I'm sick of it. I want both. I thought Kanye or Common could do it, but they've been C+ at best. Obama needs to make Congress to give Mos Def about $10 million to put together a hit album. He has less than a year to make this happen.
- Create a teleportation machine: I think we're all a little tired of driving, flying and walking everywhere. If today's inauguration shows us anything, traveling in the year 2009 is a real hassle. It doesn't have to be. Get NASA to work on a teleporter.
- Make FoxNews add disclaimers to their programs. I don't think the people who work there should be fired or anything like that; even liars need to make a living. But I think there should be a warning that flashing before certain shows saying things like, OUR GUESTS ARE PULLING STATISTICS OUT OF THEIR ASS or WE DON'T BELIEVE THAT REPUBLICANS CAN DO ANYTHING WRONG.
- Get more playing time for Wizards player JaVale McGee. I saw the guy do a one-man fast break a few games ago. He's 7'0"and he's averaging 13.8 mpg on a lottery team that thinks playing Darius Songaila at center is a good idea. Please help.
- Declare pizza the national food. If done properly, it can contain all the Food Groups. What else needs to be said?
- Limit Keith Olbermann to three Special Comments per week. I like Countdown, but those things are writing a Superman story that involves kryptonite; use it too much and the whole thing looses it's flair.
- Get rid of wood pencils. Mechanical pencils rule. We can help save the environment and show that we've made a progressive leap. I'm sure some people will be against against this one, but people where against getting rid of quills too. Deal.
- Make spam as criminal as selling crack. I think this one is self-explanatory.
- Create a playoff system for college football. I keep telling people that if we don't stop the NCAA from allowing five new bowl games every year schools like Notre Dame will just buy their own bowl game. I think the Obama proposal can end this madness.
- A Mega Man movie. You heard me. And Legend of Zelda one too. Make it happen.
Comments
2. I'd settle for electric car conversion kits and "riskier" flying.
3. Fox News is the National Enquirer of the broadcast world. Repeat until sets.
5. My daughter eats spinach pizza, and has since she was about three years old. Name another food that can accomplish that!
6. I like Keith, but, yeah, he's best in moderate doses.
7. BLASPHEMER!!!
8. Add to that repealing the rule, law, whatever, that allows telemarketers to call cell phones. As long as I pay for the minutes, no one, gets to call me in order to sell me stuff.
9. Personally, I'm of the opinion that all school-related sports programs ought to be removed from the school's budgetary systems and be forced to pay for themselves. Then let the market decide. I wonder how popular school sports would be if their costs werent hidden in the cost of education? Could they pay their own way in a market situation?
10. I'm still waiting for "Good Omens".
"Check out the hoes my Cadillac fills"
I thought people fill a vehicle, not the other way around!
I get so tired of 16 year old females thinking Souljah Boy is the best rapper ever; PLEASE bring good hip hop back, Mr. Obama!